They Found Wacu In the Farm

True story before I get to Wacu. Cases of car theft are in the rise around Thika and its environs. Why would this bother me though, I have no car except for my sons toy police car? Right? Well, not any more. A friend of mine woke up to an empty garage space where he had parked his vehicle the previous night. For those of us who own cars (tihihihi hebrews 11, now faith is the assurance of things not yet seen) you will agree that this feeling is not the best. Especially if you produced to your last dime to get that car. You know he searched hadi kwa wallet yake. True story. He went back kushower just to see if he’ll wake up. May God help those guys. Pole sana. Bro.

Then last night happened and I knew I should worry about cars being stolen. Those of you who have been to my place will attest to the fact that we have one of the biggest parking spaces around. Open space all the way from the tarmac to the house. You can park anywhere… there is no limitation – in terms of fencing I mean. And until last night, this parking space was used to the maximum. Last night. I was chatting with one of those crazy friends. The one who actually inspired this story. Lets call her Nazareth today. Where Jesus lived haha.

Somewhere around midnight, akasema goodnight nkaachwa hapo na Thor RagNarok (Its a movie. Has nothing to do with Narok btw.) It ended at around 1.30 hivi when I went to bed and until kindu 2pm, I was going through the day, the chats, how the hell they shot Thor, where sugarcane gets its sweetness from and every other stupid stuff on the planet. Then noise. At first I thought it was the usual walevi who come in saa nane but this one was sober noise. The caretaker waking us up.

Apparently, some guys had decided that our parking lot was next to be deprived of its own. Cars. Si mimi warrior wa kijiji nikaitikia mwito nikatoka mbio. Just chukuwaad my kaphone and a kibat I usually keep at the door for instances as this. Out all the way from my karoom in 2nd floor. Down to the parking lot. Having heard alarm raised and the difficulties they had with the vehicles, the thieves took to their heels and left one engine raving and another car door broken.

I was among the first few people to get to the parking space determined to break someone’s neck especially with fresh memories of my friends car. By now though, neighbours had trickled out in numbers to find out what it was all about. And then it hit me. I had run out as I had been in bed. Pair of boxers. Full stop.

The journey back to my room was one long embarrassing one. Me my boxers and my bat. Fast as my steps could take me, I moved. I met ladies on those corridors. The men were already out. As I passed them, I could notice the giggles… sly especially…well, for those of you who say am not blessed, ask those ladies I met on those corridors why they were giggling. Btw I still cant get it, I was embarrassed and they were also dressed half naked, they actually come out to anika their wares on the hanging lines with shorter booty shorts.

Anywho, I got to my house, nkavaa trouser na kitshirt kingine hapo nikarudi. From the corners of my eyes, I could see them looking at me. Smiling, whispering to each other n stuff. Who cares man. Am just a warrior who wnted to save the day when their boyfriends were still sleeping.

Then the policemen came. 3 of them. Assessed the situation, asked questions and picked up some stuff the thieves had left behind. I hope they do something about it. We went back to sleep. 6.30.AM. Knock on my door. Maaaan! I just slept some minutes ago. Who knocks on your door this early. I lazily wake up and get the door. Still sleepy.


Sleep evades me completely as soon as I see who it is. Its my neighbour from across the corridor. Beautiful is understatement and I have been eyeing her since I came to this place. This morning, she just picked up her towel wrapped it up around her and knocked on my door. I think there must be a mistake. I cant help but notice all that smooth skin left bare and the way her towel is miles away from the ground. The slender legs all the way up. Her towel seems shorter than it should be thanks to the big future behind her raising it to newer heights hehe…

“Sasa Gusto, therez no wora at ma place. Could you please allow me to fetch one bucket from yuo haas ya kushawa tu?!” (The way she talks, I think she thinks she’z made it in life.) She asks with a voice you cant say no to. So I agree to her request and she tells me to give her a minute “nichukue bako nikam.”

Am staring at her as she swings her hips walking towards her place. She stops midway, turns to find my eyes fixated on that breathtaking view behind her. Splendor. haha. Blessing galore. She smiles that smiles that says more than words could.

“Btw jana I saw you. That was brave of you gusto kutoka hivo ustopishe wezi. Couldn’t help noticing though…. O.M.G aki si umebarik… ah wacha tu lemmi come..” I smile back.

“Hehee… sawa. N thank you. It was nothing. Anyone who cares would have done the same” I answer. Ofcourse tunajua hapa ni marks tunatafuta hahahaa

“Amaaa… si I can just come and shower at your place, lazima nibebane na maji all the way na kwanza yako ni hot shower? Ata kama ni baridi I think you hot enough” slyly smiling…


MY PEOPLE!! Mans Hot!! And she started walking back. This is what we call goal goal. I want to leave it at this because I have a task ahead. I want to tell a tale. Tale of how it all went down. Tale Of thunder n lightning. Fire n brimstone. Of Water n sulphur. Ndugu zangu I would have said i’ll be back shortly but shortly…. apana. Tricky sana. track record tells a different story. I’ll be back friends.

* locks the door behind him*

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