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funny relationship proposal. the bomb


You all probably know this much too well. My girlfriend (name withheld 4 personal security. Allow me to use Nyaguthii today) and I are one happy couple. What!! Just kidding. You all know too well my relationship is between a rock and a hard place. Not with Nyaguthii daily nagging, Not with my inability. I know what inability you are thinking about but that’s not it. Am speaking about my inability to make enough money to cater for our daily needs. I need however to tell you here, I get enough money. Only with Nyaguthii’s spending habits, my money is never enough.

My friends say I have been Kaliwaad chapati. I don’t care though. Love is all that matters. Again this is my life, not theirs. Right?

Romantic guy

Am drifting away from my story. So, I have made every effort to please her and take her to a whole new level of romance. Nevertheless, she doesn’t seem to understand. I remember at one particular instance, I scribbled the most awesome piece of poetry. I tried it out on some 2 ladies I’ve been secretly eyeing just in case my Nyaguthie becomes too demanding. In both instances, my poem yielded the results I wanted. Or what would you say when you read a poem and all the lady wants is to lie on your chest and cry? Crocodile or not, there were tears.


Long story short, nilifika home. She was watching one of these soap operas you know the end before they start. Said I had something for her. Nikazima soap, Nikaeka nyashinski background music. Nikazima stima nikawasha candles. There on one knee, with malaika playing softly, I poured my heart out in poetry. She listened. She was getting carried away already. At last, there was light at the end of the tunnel. I ended my poem with the last punch line.

“…I love you Nyagu!”

Silence. You could have heard a pin drop. I knew I had hit the jackpot here. My relationship is growing stronger. Then she started speaking.

“Wewe Ngusto Yaani mbadara ufikirie vire utaninunulia kitu ya andabu ni poem tu umeona? Ni poem nitakula ama nitavaa nikienda kanisa?” I looked up.

Jehofa!! Lord have mercy. There on one knee I felt the truth of the dunia isimame nishuke phrase. I couldn’t get it. She was not done with me yet.

“Ungekuwa umeninunulia simu ningekutextia vitu nataka si upusi kama hii!! Tembu ondoka Alehandro ananingoja! Na ndungiconoka!!”

The Aftermath

Ngai!! I need not explain much. I didn’t get supper that night, She has also been giving me certain eyes sending conflicting signals since then.
Well, brothers and sisters, I heard about Jumia Anniversary 2017 sometime back. And with their prices this week, I knew this was the best moment to make up with my meagre kabudget. So when this week started, I think I was the first person to order. #OrderNo304718996.
I am headed towards home. Just picked up this phone from the Jumia delivery guy. I could have ordered for #UngaYa45 but I opted for the phone ndio anitextie nayo next time. #S8ya5bob would have done but guys are all over jumia’s website. The phone inaenda before niclick mara mbili heheee…

Am going to do the same thing I did last time; Nyashinski, candles… Only instead of a poem, I’ll unleash this phone. This is my last attempt to save my relationship. Hii ispowork watu wangu, the two ladies, be on standby. Put me in your prayers friends. #MwanaumeNiKujipeaMoyo.

Asanteni sana. Am almost at home.