Am sitting out here. Somewhere in one of these gardens Wangari Maathai fought hard for. She must have experienced love. Right what am going through to have so much energy and zeal to fight. Because where would I have gone this instance to calm the heart. What better place is there to get peace? Isn’t it just why so many people are throwing themselves from rooftops of 30 storied buildings? No gardens to find calm. Peace.
So You go up there trying to reach God and ask him why. You get to the top and look at the world down there, everyone in their own business not minding how hurt you are, how one person could be so cruel to another. You realize the peace you needed can actually not be found here either. God is nowhere around to answer your questions, you can’t go back down there to so much pain and torment. So you decide to fly. Go further up away from the world. Away from pain and the people and closer to God. You are up on prime time news.
The paper headlines tomorrow
“27 year old jumps from 32 storied building over failed relationship.” “Man takes life over cheating girlfriend”
Tuko and Ghafla make money with you:
“17 things you didn’t know about Gusto’s girlfriend. Number 9 will shock you.”
You watch from where you are and smile. Atleast you made some writer somewhere meet his target today. You are in the papers for the next one week. The conversation about love, and young people, and suicide bla bla bla. Everyone giving input of what you should have done instead. Because life is much more important than some woman. If only they knew she was actually that life to you. So many opinions. If only they were in your shoes. Maybe they could understand how life was pointless without her. How you tried so much to get another option. But love is not for the weak. You agreed with yourself. You are weak. Vulnerable. You were not made for love. Whatever people will call you. And all you want right now is peace. What more peace than somewhere asleep in a grave. Right? And off you flew.
You watch from the grave. You hoped the best for her. She gets the news first. On the site where you fell on a blunt object, she comes there every lunch time. You can see torment in her eyes. Pain. She knows she could have stopped this if she wanted. But she didn’t. Too carried away. Tears form on her left eye. She wipes it away fast before it drops. She stands on the cracked ground where you fell. She looks up to see the height. It must have been painful. She thinks. She realises how much she loved you. She loves you. But its too late. Or is it sympathy? You think. But it couldn’t be. She no longer talks to him.
Its not what you had envisioned. You had hoped to give them space. You had hoped she’d be happy. She wouldn’t need to text him and delete the messages. She wouldn’t need to plan meeting him when you are at work. They would have all the freedom to love and fall in love without you coming in the way. You had hoped her the best. Love and laughter. Long life.
She comes with your two kids once in a while. They play around oblivious of her aching heart. Oblivious of the ground you took your life with. She wants answers. They don’t seem to come. She needs closure. Nothing makes sense. She blames herself. No. The guy. She blames the devil. She doesn’t know who to blame. But she knows she lost gold at the sight of shiny silver. Now her world has fallen apart. And she can’t tell what to do.
One day she dumps the kids at their grannies. Today she must find closure. She must get answers. Even if its from you. She arrives the same time she always does. 1.37Pm. The same time you fell from the sky. Only today, she doesn’t stop at the spot. She walks on. Climbs up the 32 floors in a fraction of a minute. She thinks she’ll find answers up there. Peace. She thinks she’ll find God. Or you. And you two will answer her. She takes 2 hours at the rooftop. Crying. She finally finds it. Peace. More than just peace. She walks to the edge. Right where you jumped from. How much she has longed for this feeling. Deep calls unto deep. You don’t know what to do. Its not what you wanted. What will be the reason for you leaving if she cant find that freedom and peace. She should stay. Atleast for you. Atleast for your kids. She has a better option. But you of all people know better. You have been there. You don’t even know what to feel. Happy that she’s coming, or sad she didn’t find the freedom you thought you were giving her.
The media again.
“developing story:Woman takes life 2 weeks after boyfriend.”
It has been 5 days. The guy who brought you here walks to the same spot everyday at 3.37PM. The same hour she took her life. He loved her. And he doesn’t understand why she’d do such a thing when their love was at peak. She had called him 2 hours before she took her life. Told him he caused her do the thing she was about to do. He is the reason she’s miserable. Then she hung up. He needs answers. Closure. Its been two hours since he stopped to check out this place. Today he has overstayed. He looks up at the height of the building, down at the cracked ground where she fell. He thinks long and hard. And then he finds it. Peace. Closure. He knows where the answers are. He takes the stairs.